what can I do but pray

God,

it is so not right, not fair. Everything in this world just sucks. I have never had a relationship with a man that was not abusive and now because of that I get to watch my kids be abuse. The courts can't help me or them. Only criminals get public defenders not children and mothers who need help for their kids. I can't afford a lawyer and that means evil wins once again.

All these people in the world with so much money and no one to help my kids.

It sucks that this world is so unjust.

I guess Satan knew all I ever wanted in the whole world was a family. A kind loving home with a man to love us. A Dad to be someone to look up to, a man to love.

I never had that my whole life. Not with my Dad, not with my first Husband and not with the second one either. Both times I just married a guy just like my Dad. Angry and abusive, scary & mean.

Now that I am older and my kids are not with me anymore I am alone with my thoughts. I am always alone. I eat by myself and watch TV alone and yet I have the abusive men still causing my children and I such pain.

Will the cycle ever be broken

I wish I would meet a man who was God honoring. Someone to show my kids how it's suppose to be

I guess I just get to learn and teach them. My two little ones are still with me and I can teach them about God and how he meant it to be

I pray that my older two kids will be able to come home one day soon and we can all live together in peace without any abuse

One day we will live in a big house with everything we need. Love and peace and we will never have to move or hear evil again

Me?

Sometimes I think life just SUCKS!

I try not to dwell on the negative anymore.

I can not deny the truth though either.

I like to see both sides & feel

today.

So I have the greatest Angels around me both Spiritually & Physically ;)

I have great ppl around me ~ Thanks G

God totally sets me up with everything I need/want ask for pray for I just need to get better at my prayers ;)

More specific.

Heck I just realized I have no idea what it is that I want

Most times I just wander this earth asleep

I am learning to open my eyes wider ;)

I love my life

I love God

I love what God does for me and my loved ones

I love prayer and how God hears us

I love how God speaks to me

I love humor

and

Art, Music really but Art in all forms as well

I love the Ocean & animals I love kids & laughing

I am way too silly for most adults

I have no fear

That sets me apart

"Yes, be bold & strong! Banish fear & doubt! For remember, the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Old Testament Book of Joshua, Chapter one, Verse 9 The Living Bible

I get happier after I feel sad about something sad (lot's of sad things in this world ;( but then that means lot's of time to Rejoice in my problems (like God tells us to do in the bible (book of James).

I am so thankful to feel today although I feel like the Tinman from The Wizard of Oz

Funny how musax makes you feel

I can feel sad from a memory of a song one version and happy and safe, calm from another version of the same song ;) God takes the most utterly painful and turns it to more than good ~ glorious!

My life is a living daily moment by moment everlong testament to that above

God wants it all for us

But do we?

I mean we do, we all want it all, just we fight ourselves. Satan tricks us to hate ourselves. To self doubt and self destruct. The devil uses our emotions against us. Humans are easily fooled.

When you know that you have a limited time left to live well you just dont care about that any more. The lies that is (believing the lies).

Not that I ever thought that I would be writing on this blog after someone I knew died ;(

I am happy really for them. Being a believer and all, happy he is out of pain and away from evil now ;) Cant wait for us all to get there really.

So stay close to the truth the word of God and live like He says, to the fullest! No fear. No worry, stress, guilt.

Be happy, REJOICE. Always. Dance & sing & be kind to others. Help yourself have a great life by devoting it to helping others in the name of God.

God glorifies us.

so now I'm approached all the times with sex suitors as I call them. I get friendly emails from guys as well but I know the validation factor is huge. Like the male ego. So I try to take things seriously & have joy & peace in my heart ;) from God, from staying close to Him

work 4 free

I want to work for free. So I do. I hope to always be able to. So not a care about money, just love. Help. Aid. Assist. I feel a bit sad 2day. A bit shaken. I guess being Good Friday, that is a good feeling. It's hot, humid really. I miss the sugar & white flower I cut out 6 days ago. My body is in detox. I feel like i did when i x'd smoking. so edgy, and i live w/mold and that makes me so draggy. Always we have headache, muscle aches, and my kids & I are so sick from it. I have been cleaning for over 6 months now and it seems like it will take forever to get rid of everything ;( If i do then i/we have nothing. i guess i must trust that God will replace all that we need. ok, so getting the time and energy to get rid of it all. i wish i had help ;( but no one wants to come near it and i am all alone in cleaning this huge garage filled with mold ;( i want to just throw all the boxes out as is but my ex says he will sue me if i throw out all his stuff. He wont clean out his stuff though ;( so i am sick & tired always and hard to even move. i'm stuck working in this mold filled house with no car to even get away ;( not that i can relate to the pain and suffering of Jesus but it feels close.

My kids have been kidnapped by their dad and he wont give them back. they are in bad conditions and i pray all the time for their safe return. i am in a state of pain all the way around.

So i try to focus on the good & glory of God and that makes me better. I am joyous always even in my problems. i will not fear and i will know that God eases my burdens and it says that in the bible & i know now how that is true.

i am feeling sorrow for the world today. sorrow for the ppl in pain. sorrow for those who know no joy.

i have been there too

I wish 4 today that every creature could feel the comfort and joy of God. I pray all humans find the comfort & joy of knowing God in their heart & soul.

I long for Heaven but wish and pray for all of God's children to feel joy on earth in rejoicing always

i know God takes the bad and turns it to better than good. Great! Glorious! I am just praising God in the waiting time ;)

and praying for a way out of the mold. all new everything. it all seems so impossible but i know God loves to surprise us with Miracles! no transportation for 6 months now and i have not suffered. i have lost out on income which bothers me but i guess i do not need money

i just need God

God gives me all I need

it's amazing how emotions are so attached to songs or feelings attached to songs i guess it is? Just the memories that a song can evoke, and the feelings attached ;) Beautiful, even if it is pain. A healing thru music. For me it has been anyway ;) When I listen to music and write, it inspires me. It keeps me company ;) I love the comfort of music and the joy it brings

I hate a key board like the one i am on now, yet i am very grateful. You know, that i have it at all ;) My cat and dog are playing all wild next to me and I love looking at the sunshine out my window.

I am very grateful for the sunshine and my great view. I love looking out my huge window and I love my private view ;)

Hiding away i guess i feel ;) yes in a city of 3 million ;)

near my county of 3 more million

that's a lot of peeps ;)

I guess I am a big city girl and use to having most anything you want at our finger tips.

But I am glad that also in a big city is a lot of poverty. I grew up with money and pretty much anything I wanted (except that dang Ferrari ;) So to see homeless breaks my heart. To see kids that live in shelters and woman that have it so hard just makes me ill. I can not stand for it and it makes me want to help.

I grew up with my mom and grandma always helping the poor. When I have money I like to give it away. When I have food I like to share

I am always getting clothes and giving clothes away ;) I like to give. I grew up to like to give more than get and i really like that.

i am still use to my comforts and gifts as i call them

i like a soft bed and soft pillows and blankets I like to be warm. I have soft sheets and pillow cases and I take them for granted til I stay in another bed. Some places I stay have wonderful bedding and some do not.

I drink my fav teas and coffee (even my creamer I am a snob about) But I think I would be ok with out all my perks. I do love a bath tub with hot water. And I pay extra to have my water cleaned.

I dont drink or smoke anymore and I love drinking my protein shakes that i make with blueberries and strawberries I take that for granted.

I love that I sacrifice what I want and do what God wants and I get gifts beyond my wildest dreams. Beautiful perfumes and all the movies i want to watch in private with no distractions ;) My favorite things. Time with my kids to homeschool

I love going out to dinner and eating all types of foods and I love that I get to do that.

Being a vegetarian is great in LA and OC but not so much if I lived in the mid west i guess

Today I pray that God uses me and my kids to help others in need ~ always

I pray to honor God and teach my children to be honorable.

I am glad that i know both sides to such extremes ~ That is the best gift I have ever received

i still can dream ;)

bummed my kids left today ;( sad I cant be with them. sad i am alone w/o a mate. a partner. just someone to love ;)

If i had a magic wand i would ding me a man ;) a good one. kind and sweet. smart and funny. someone i could look up to. someone fun. no more dark cloud angry types. someone who adored me.

hmmm i know good things come to those who wait and i finally realize that all the guys that were my pals were so sweet and kind. too kind i guess. but now i want a sweet guy. is it too late?

My sweet guy friends say no. I never had that family i wanted. I was always a single mom. i always had drunk or dry drunk guy that just wanted a mommy.

i like to baby a guy a lot so that is cool if i have a strong guy to baby me back.

then they got jealous of my kids hmm no, this time i want a man not another kid ;)

now im a kid for sure and i like to play but i think im always thinking always learning and doing and i need a really smart guy.

creative and passionate guy that likes to relax and is balanced. someone to travel with and share our dreams to cheer each other on!! ahhh I have never had that ;) I sooo dream of this

someone to be a family with my kids. someone who likes kids.

I like to be alone and together and talk and be quiet and still

someone open minded and gentle

must love animals ;) must want to travel with us as a family and with me alone. must love to serve others and help the poor. one that wants to better the world

Of course if i had all the money i needed i would buy a house to call my own and buy off my ex and get my kids back. to be with my children and have a home. a loving kind home with a mom and a dad they could look up to that is my dream.

that is my dream