Moon River ~ ~ ~ ahhhh... what a yummy song ;)

I'm not sure about somethings yet others i know in my soul. maybe u cant under stand that, im not sure but really only i have to and i do.

i know i freak a lot of ppl out and that trips me out - i guess cuz i only know one way.

well 2 really

good vs evil

god vs satan

ying and yang - god made it so u have a choice. so u cant know one w/o the other. rejoice in your problems he says and that is coexisiting in peace and joy with the world as i know it. good and bad but letting god fight my battles for me.

yet i have to be the warrior

I am a warrior

want it or not

i guess we all do have that choice thou

to not

too many off themselves and

that makes me blue and mad

so i hurt myself and i hated myself

instead now i see

more

better

all the pain turned to good. to glory.

that is a promise

To all those dying from fear/worry/anxiety...numbness

I hardly know anything, but i do know that most ppl live in fear. in a shell. a cave of fear. held back. stupored by evil.

yah, i can make up words too GW ;)

Do not limit ur ideas, ur visions, dreams, hopes... future ;)

I know God made us unique with special abilities and skills/talents. Passion is urs to find ;)

Foster and fan passion in those around u ;)

Be an Encourager b a person that lifts up others and teaches peace

In this u find ur joy

Aid others. Give Love, Live Ur Life To Serve God

It's simple, not EZ

U need to bow to God and request the Holy Spirit to guide you and God will supply the power.

Make a choice.

And take a stand for who u r and what u believe ;)

Do U know what u believe?

Do u know who u r? and what u want to do?

If not, u r lost

Seek and u shall find. Ask and u shall receive. U give what u get...so r u a giver? What r u giving?

Be a cheerful giver and live in peace and joy. Live simply.

Choose Joy ~ not fear

Faith not fear today and every day.

Joshua 1:9 ~ My Life Verse ;) Thanks JC ~ Thanks Lord!

Think Big, Dream Big ;)

so think big. Dream big. Don't limit God. Ok. ... so if I need to get more creative, and ask more, seek more, stretch more ;) then I would have to say that I would love to get a group together, a lrage group, limitless really...first of celebrities. Ppl follow and listen to celebrities and they have money to donate and if they each added a very small amount the numbers that want to help the needy, the poor, the sick. To rebuild america. Jails, laws, government, juvenile hall, rehab, homeless fed and treated and rehabilitated. The sick and addicted, cured. Green and eco friendly, detoxed and natural. all hemp resources ;)

shows and programs for teens, men, convicts, moms, grandpas, all on mental health issues. Political shows to change and advance our government more for We The People ;)

Business, parenting, life skills, rehab, addictions, religion.... all shows to teach and aid in recovery and evolution of man/earth ;)

Bible studies and preachers, sermons, debates, new reform

Speakers on science, medicine and heath. The sky is the limit ;)

Technological advancements and all the things I /we adore!

we had too much in common

so i had a dream once about a visit from a dead man. he told me he was concerned for his child and urged me to go be a nanny for her. I thought that is absurd. I dont want to do that. I dont want to have a mean boss and be ordered around bc you think i can do something? What? Just be there. Be close. Take care of her. I can see ur concern now. I have children of my own now and I can see ur concern.

I knew God was in charge - i am not sure he did though. I knew we would learn together. I knew he had to go ;(

that made me sad (and a bit relieved) but happy. Bitter sweet happiness. That is my life ;) I like bitters sweet chocolate - just not in excess.

balance is what i learned and we learned to trust God together. Me in body and he in soul. Me in torture and pain and he unknown. I know no pain but i did sense fear. No, regret maybe more remorse not fear. I knew and he knew God is no fear - and God was all we had.

The world had failed us both too many times and all we knew was pain. Hope was always my big strong part and i think we both helped eachother. I know that is the way God intends it to be - helping each other.

so no, go on and laugh, be light and filled with joy. do not fear and worry. Fret not over the smallest detail for I am the Lord your God and I am Mighty and Strong. I am always with you and I say nah to fear and respect what I say. Obey me and my command and I will lead you on a beautiful life journey ;)

I had a body. I had a chance.

A choice now really.

A choice.

"Should Be Legalized" CENSORED VERSION - Eminem Love the Way You Lie Parody

Why Do We Have To Pay In The US To Avoid Ads?

I avoid commercials. Ever since I was a kid I hated them. TV ads. selling you something. Faking you out to sell you a lie. Not always. Bust mostly. Greed. Lust. Lies. Hate. Envy. Hmmm so forgive me Matt Damon that I dont care that you are next to me at the gas station. Alone, just mee and you for a whole tank of gas fill up. It was quiet and I had a lot on my mind. My ex just left me and I had to put my kids in day care. It was a beautiful afternoon in Newport and I was by my Mecca Fashion Island (oh and the back bay is beautiful ;)

So smile your handsome grin and move along. I have kids and a life and yes I know who you are. The pc I use for my profile pics was just done and I guess i looked the best I ever had. I longed for that day. To be hot, strong, powerful, and in control. Rich in OC and loving life. I look back and think yes, it was my prime time in life as now I hear your 30's are. All grown up and feeling great. Happy and free and on your own. Healthy and fit and if you live in LA fashionable.

I loved all of that. I just hated the ppl

I hated the ppl running everything. I hated the way the government ran the ppl and the ppl were stupid.

It mad me mad. and then I got sad later in my 30's and healed more. I came into my 40's feeling great. Shortly after I was alone. I realized that I pick angry men. Just like i was. How I had evolved and changed over the last 4 ass holes and I was done being some guys punching bag to take all his anger out ~ get a shrink! That's what the're for! They were all really hard core tough guys that hated the same things i did. Except I never hated God. I was just really, really angry.

I knew He could take it and He became my coach. My life coach. My trainer. I went to My God for everything. I saw my moms fears and my dads drinking and I knew hate and anger. I knew pain. They both knew pain and all my relatives did too. It was a lifetime of pain and disfunction for my whole generation. For the world. I grew up with so much war. Gangs from all countries fighting it out in my county ;) I loved that ;) Heck, if I was in pain, come join me ;) I do what my dad always said not to do (of course ~ I was a true teen age rebel ;) I didnt stay away from the Orange Jumpsuits ;) Gosh, how did that happen! White crime first. Mafia. Organized fear. Comes in all gangs, I was just Italian. Mafia is My Family in Italian.

Oh, every county has organized crime. Fear. Satan is the ruler of that. Most ppl have no problem to belive in bad, just have a hard time with God. Good.

God, help me to endure my blessings ;) The sober yentas of alanon would say ;)

sabotage, the jews would say ;) Great song btw and gr8 hate band as i call them haters. woman haters ppl haters grown up haters rebells for satan. dark angels bad demons. They do exist. We only talk about them around Halloween (or in the media ;)

At church we relate it to life. The journey of life ;)

I say Evolution of Man ;)

Don't be afraid to be MPD everyone ;) It is a good thing ;) Just choose God.

so i dont edit. and i'm ok with that. heck, i say it is a day off from editing ;) Work. Just for fun ;) I love to write, heal and connect others. Heal others faith.

Faith in humanity. Faith in God, Faith in yourself.

If I could sit down with Oprah or any other famous person in pain. Seeking. Searching. Look at Madonna. Two woman seeking as I a life time of pain. And man troubles ;) But God real true relationship with JC will produce that. But seeking and climbing up to God and what He wants for us in a life long journey (and pursuit of happiness) Joy, completeness.

I love being married to God as I say to myself. I love being alone with God and my thoughts. I love raising my kids to know Jesus. I love to study and learn. I am a Scientist by nature I think and I love to research.

I love to stay close to God. I like to not sin. I like to be as close to JC as possible. No I aint into hiding the truth ;) Thanks DC Talk ;) mmmmm I love music I love God I love serving Him!

Hollywood is godless says rick warren and I agree (I think he said that at church a few weeks ago ;)

God less ~ I want God More.

Pray and learn. Read The Holy Bible (before you say it is not real ;)

It is good to believe in something. Anything, heck in 12 step we say a doorknob can be your starter God ;)

Jesus Freak is a rad song as well as Born Again. Lot's of great Christians out there ;)

Movie makers and surfers and song writers. Singers and bands and moms ;)

Desperate Housewives For Jesus is my group ;) All my MOPS Mommies and Homeschoolers and Fellow Christian Sisters that teach their kids about Yeshua ;) and work for God

Desperate For Jesus.

I was desperate for happiness for joy for love.

I just wanted peace as a kid. All I saw was war. Death. Hate. Destruction. Well, I had a blessed joyous life too ;)

Now it became a choice.

The older I got it became a choice. I chose to teach my kids. I choose to teach them about God. I am blessed to live in one of the richest counties in the world. I am blessed to have some of the most beautiful beaches and weather and fashion ;) all around me ;) I am blessed to have the best skiing and Desserts around me too ;) And entertainment. Art, Culture. Food. Music. Churches. Cars, Purses ;) Rodeo is like Heaven to me ;) Great coffee too ;)

Born Again. I pray today for Nicole Brown's children and her family. She/they are from OC

I pray God lift's them up. I pray He uses them for Joy & Good and takes all their pain and turns it Mighty & For His Glory.

I pray for JC Dugard and her children Lord. I pray you lift them up and take the bad and turn it Glorious!!! I pray for all your kids God. I pray that you teach us. Help us See. Help us Hear. You Lord. Thru the pain, the hate and the shame rises beauty and Grace. Learning Grace. God's grace. How all the times I hated myself, hated God or hated people I was hating. I begged God to take away my hate for mankind.

So I got sober and learned compassion for drunks. Drunk moms (RIP Dana Plato my friend and fellow coworker as a kid). Drugged up drunk moms. I always felt sad for Brooke S. her mom was a drunk. I felt like she used her as a sex symbol so young and i knew what it was like doing the Dittos ads. I was happy to be a angry rebellious youth. I just also was an actress and a model. Hmmm??? I related so well when Drew Barrymore got sober. I pray today for little LL who is fighting her addictions (as causes) today.

I pray girls stop trying to be rich and famous and try to be healthy and strong and happy. Joyous and free of demons.

I am a demon fighter a crime fighter for God. Super Hero to Good and God. To see what other wont to say what others hate. To just be me and not car what others think. To just be me. To create and do that for God. To be musical and fun and have adventures for God. I never stay in one place too long and that use to bum me out. Now I love it ;) I embrace it ;) as all my fears.

I do not believe in fear.

Well, i choose God instead.

Desperate Housewife For Jesus ;)

Yah, I am a single mom too (of 4 ;) I just watched The Desperate HW of BH (while I worked out ;) Great hour ;) So sad though (I knew it would make me feel better about myself ~ so I watched it ;) no, I also wanted to see my childhood friends Kim (and Kyle). It made me sad ;( Sad for the girls that their mom is not around anymore ;( Sad that they have no grandma for the 8 kids (4 each ;) Sad that they do not have their mom to talk to. I just remember many park days, birthday parties, and playing at each others houses (while our moms gabbed away ;) Our moms were really friends. Carrie Anne Warder and myself were friends (bc our moms were bff's) and Carrie Anne's mom knew kim and kyles mom. We all grew up working in Hollywood (as child actors). My moms real bff was in OC with us. We met when I was really young. We would take tap, ballet, jazz, all kinds of dance classes together ~ our moms became like sisters. Terri and Kristi Wood were like my Cousins. They had horses and rode with Kim and Kyle a lot. They are still "Besties" today. I like that. That they my mom is close to me (by location and in my life ;) and that her BFF since I was 4 is still close to her (In OC and as her bff ;)

I'm not really a housewife. Well an Ex housewife. An ex rich housewife ;) I ran away ;)

I think I just wanted to be alone. Well I have 4 kids so I am not alone. I have pets, a dog and a cat ;) I like to homeschool. I always wanted kids and to homeschool. I just forgot to get speciic with the guy. I just pictured cute, charming, sweet, kind. My first boyfriend was like that. His mom gave me my bible. His mom and dad. I was a part of their family and I just loved that. I wanted to run away and get married and have kids. I was 15. So that didnt happen ;) He moved away and we broke up (I had way more damage to do to myself first ~ I guess, I needed to do more research ;)

So i ran away for the first time. He was drinking and starting to change and we both started to date others. I was glad really cuz i just bacame a Christian (well a Born Again Christian ;) and I wanted to not drink anymore.

It was 1982

I got married in 1992. I would have been 18 years this Sunday. But he took off with his secretary the day his second child, my daughter Amanda was born ;( He never came back.

I was a single mom for 5 years. I didnt date for 4.5 years. I got sober and did meetings instead. I worked really hard on being a sober mom. My sponz use to say, Your kids need one sane parent. She was right. Daddy was gone 2 years (and I thanked God for that). I got the bank statements. $10,000 salary in and zero balance ~ every statement.

All over the place traveling with her. Filling her car with gas and not paying any of our bills. Two years I supported my kids all by myself. I was a stay home mom for Evans first 3 years and I was so grateful. I was heart broken to put my new one year old baby in day care all day while I worked, and I prayed not to hate steve for ruining my dreams. I would have never had kids if I knew i could not raise them. Why have kids if you cant raise them I would say. I was 33, I was 30 when I had Evan, my first born. I was ready to wait 5 more years to see if I felt ready. I worked really hard in therapy from age 20-30 and I knew I was a major drunk, cutter, death to myself and the world hater ;) I hated people. Nothing else. Just ppl

I liked my family (most of the time ;) but we fought a lot too ;) My God and my family were my saving graces my whole life.

When Steve took off it did force me to get sober. I knew when my sponsor said "God has a plan", I knew she was right. I knew God was right. I was one of the only born again Christians in AA/Alanon. I smoked a lot and drank here and there but I knew I was different. I knew I had seen The Devil and God more than anyone I knew (and I was with the sickest of the sick ;) I just loved that. Adventure I guess. Seeing God work. Seeing God's plan.

I felt bad when I watched the show and I could relate to Kim (and her pain). Kyle and my younger sister worked and went out on interviews together. I didnt know kyle too much since i stayed home when my mom went to Hollywood (after age 10 ;)

I do remember being at The Richards house when Kim's older sis went out on her first date with Rick. I remember her mom and her sis fighting (but with love ;) we all did that ;) Fought and loved each other all the time ;) My kids are not allowed to fight ha ha well not mean anyway. Yelling, getting angry at each other. Taking out anger on the one you love. or something weaker than you really.

All though my ex didnt care about being a small guy. He took on any one. Anything. Wow, that was cool and horrible at the same time ;)

I did learn to not fight with him.

My kids learned to be quiet and talk nice or I'd go off on them ;) They did not like that so it taught us all to talk nice and be kind when I got into Alanon. After trying to find God myself from age 20-30 now it was time to teach my kids. So I spent age 30-40 nursing, working, teaching and raising my kids.

I got remarried in 2003 and I ran away in 2009

I did 3 years of therapy again in 2007-2010 with my kids, myself and a few with the ex (maybe 3 times ;) My guys are not really Therapy Types ;)

I love being a mom. I love homeschooling. I get so much joy from hanging with my kids. I did see Sen and The City 2 last nite and that made me a bit sad too.

I worked a lot with SJP too. She mad me happy that I didnt work so much. They both did (Kim and SJ that is ;)

I prayed a lot for them as a kid. They always looked sad when I would play with them. Waiting for interviews or hanging at a park while our moms talked for hours.

We would dance and sing and play games like we were kids in a movie ~ we wrote our own scripts ;)

We ran around and chased each other and laughed.

Our moms laughed a lot too ;)

I remember thinking I hope when I get all old (and sad) like that that I have a group pf best friends to yack it up with ;) They just went on for hours.

Yentas I called them as I got older. 12.

Fixing up to marry and settle down her wild teen age girl ;) All 3 or 4 moms talking mom stuff, work, dads ;)

We traveled a lot and so did the other families. CarrieAnnes mom was a travel agent (and a great one ;) I just loved going to see the world ;)

I loved swimming and we had a pool and they had amazing pools ;) I loved the beach and going to play at the surf a lot and my mom took us to The West Indies and Hawaii a lot ;) I loved that.

Communication is the key and loving kind words are the answer ;) I follow God and Jesus and I try to study and learn. I have wanted and waited my whole life to feel joy (and not pain ;) ~

When I stay sober, honor God, take care of myself and my loved ones, help others and look for ways to serve and be kind to the ones that need it the most ... well then I have joy ;) and the pain is like child birth ;) You seem to not care that it feels like your dying and being tortured along the way ;)